McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
- It’s A Wonderful Life, If The Minimum Wage Was Raised Alongside Inflation
- Jo March Starts A Substack
- I’m Running For Congress Because It’s The Only Way I Will Be Able To Receive Paid Family Leave
- I’m Your Sudden Onset Adult Acne, And I’m Here To Destroy Your Face, Your Week, And Your Dignity
Slackjaw
- Opening Arguments In The Case of Taylor Swift vs. The State Of My Emotional Well Being
- What Your Favorite Fourth of July Movie Says About You
- My Rejection Of Makeup Is Totally Feminist And Has Nothing To Do With Me Not Knowing What Primer Is
- We At Exxon Recognize That We’re Killing The Planet, But We’re All Gonna Die Anyway So Stop Making Us Feel Bad About It – Written with Gwen Coburn and Summer Koester
- I’m Your Enigmatic Vegan Co-Worker, And I’m Here To Guide You In Your Quest To Master The Non-Dairy Arts
- I’m Canceling My Own Boyfriend For The Reprehensible Act Of Not Being Able To Read My Mind
The Belladonna Comedy
- We Here At Klondike Are Committed To Destroying Your Last Shred Of Happiness, So We’re Discontinuing Choco Tacos
- Vesper Lynd From “Casino Royale” Returns After 15 Years To Set The Record Straight About Her & Bond
- As A Person Who Loves Coughing Directly Into People’s Faces, I’m Thrilled With The CDC’s New Mask Guidelines
- I’m A Government Official From The Day After Tomorrow And I Refuse To Reschedule My Vacation Just Because Of Some Storm!
Weekly Humorist
- We At HBOMax Have Decided To Cancel Earth
- This Pride Month, Ben & Jerry’s Is Introducing New Flavors To Help You Come Out To Your Aging Parents – Written with Cassie Soliday
- Shiv Roy’s Tips for How To #GirlBoss Your Way Through Losing Control of the Family Company – Written with Emily Kling
- I’m Your Computer Keyboard And I’m Begging You, Please Stop Eating Over Me
- Shot Girl Summer: Sartorial Pairings For Your Upcoming Vaccine Appointment – Written with Cassie Soliday
- How Fictional Nurses Would Administer the COVID-19 Vaccine – Written with Justin Cannon
- I, An Instagram Influencer, Say This Luxury Garbage Bag Poncho Is 100% A Necessity And You Must Buy It
- Ads For Products You Never Wanted – Written with Justin Cannon
- The Defunct Corporations Support Club Welcomes Quibi – Written with Ash Jurberg
- I, Willy Wonka, Am Finally Glad to Be Rid of Financial Burden That Is Running a Chocolate Factory
The Daily Drunk
- Locking The Joker Away Forever Seems Harsh, So We’ll Let Him Out Just In Time To Destroy Gotham Once Again
- Is Your Privacy Being Invaded By A Tech Giant, Or Do You Just Have A Dog?
- Elon Musk Pitches The SNL Writers Room
- Cryptocurrency: The Next Big Thing In Destroying The Environment!
- An Internal Memo Regarding The Bugs In Our New Meditation App
- I’m The IRS’ Online System Meant To Check The Status Of Your Stimulus Payment, And I Am Under Too Much Pressure Right Now
- Other Jack Dorsey Tweets From 2006 That People Will Definitely Also Want To Purchase For Millions Of Dollars
- First Thoughts From NASA’s Perseverance Rover Upon Landing on Mars
- I’m Your Forgotten Bitcoin Password, and You Have Five Chances To Remember Me Before I Lock You Out Of Your Account Forever
- Amazon Pitches The US Government Their Plan For Vaccine Distribution
- I, the CEO of Waze, Am Bravely Banning Trump From My App Like I Should Have Done Years Ago
Robot Butt
- To the Drowning Victims of the Titanic, We’re Right There With You From Our Lifeboats
- 7 Online Stores Where You Can Just Throw Your Fucking Money Away
Little Old Lady Comedy
- The Spirit Halloween Store 2020 Clearance Ad – Written with Michael Leonetti, Ash Jurberg and Susan Sassi
- How To Buy A Bikini That Makes You Feel Like Trash About Yourself
Greener Pastures Magazine
- We, The Council of Panem, Eliminated All Publicly Elected Offices Because We Didn’t Like Who The Districts Wanted To Nominate
- A Definitive Ranking Of Which Character From the Fast and Furious Franchise Would Make The Best President
- How to Order Craft Beer
- Joseph Kennedy Found Silently Weeping and Cradling Photos of His Famous Relatives After Losing Senate Race: “But I’m A Kennedy!”
- A List of Things to Bring to a Barbecue From Someone Who Hasn’t Had Human Contact in Six Months